Toilet Mastery

Toilet mastery can be a frustrating time for parents and seem to go on for a long time. Do not despair. Some children take longer than others to use the potty. At birth it is the unconscious mind of a child that is working, absorbing information from their environment. As they approach three their conscious mind is awakening as they move from subconscious thought to conscious thought. If you begin trying to introduce the potty too soon before your toddler is physically ready, you will be asking something impossible of them and this will add to everyone’s anxiety. You cannot force a child to use the potty effectively and doing so will only add to a child’s defiance.

The phrase “POTTY TRAINING” is a misnomer. It isn’t really a matter of training; of making the child do something for you, or to obey you, but a matter of helping her do something for herself and therefore encouraging her independence. The end result will be that she will take autonomous charge of her own toileting: recognising her own full bladder or bowel and doing something socially acceptable about it, such as telling an adult or going to the toilet or to find her potty.

However early you start, your child is unlikely to be entirely reliable, even in the daytime, before the third year when conscious thought is well established. However late she seems to be acquiring control, rest assured that she will not set off for big school in nappies unless some neuro-physiological or emotional problem puts that beyond ordinary reach.

A child, who knows when she has performed even without yet knowing what is going to happen in advance, is not ready to use a potty but may be ready to meet one.

Here are some tips from us that might just help you during that phase of development in a child’s life:

• Introduce a potty to the child and explain what it is used for so that she knows when she is ready where to go. She doesn’t see you use a potty, it is different from the toilet, so it’s important that you explaining using whatever words she uses for urine and faeces that this is where she puts them when she is big enough to want to stop wearing nappies. Don’t expect her to use it, and if she does, she may for a wee while, but then regress back to nappies.
• A potty-chair is a good buy as it will have good back support and make sitting down and getting up easier.
•  Place the potty in a corner of her usual play space (unless she objects) or beside the toilet she most often sees you use.
• When your child does decide to sit on the potty, don’t insist on taking the nappy off. She only wants to try it out and may not be ready to use it.
• Your child will be ready to use the potty when she becomes aware that she is about to produce urine or a motion – not after the event. Everyone may be aware that your child is red faced and watery-eyed, but she is not. Wait until she begins to clutch herself, looks at you and makes sounds of anticipation. Now she is ready, if she chooses to put that movement in the potty instead of in her nappy.
• The choice of using a potty remains entirely with the child.
• Often being clean comes easier than being dry because a child’s bowels may move only once or twice a day but require to urinate more often. It is also obvious to adults when a child does need a motion, not so with urination.
• Nappies that are needed for urination can be tiresome to a child who is trying to use the potty for everything else. If you know when your child is likely to do a motion, anticipate it and leave her bare-bottomed for a while, making sure the pot is in the usual place.
• If a child begins to say “no” to using the potty, don’t try to insist. The objective is to help her take charge of herself and you can’t force her to do that.
• Relax and try not to feel or seem especially bothered either way whether your child uses a potty, successfully or otherwise. If you are thrilled when she succeeds, at the same time you are failing her when she produces nothing.
• When children use the potty, they become aware of the something their body has produced. They are an interesting product belonging to her. Don’t show disgust.
• A toddler will begin to recognise a full bladder at about the same age that she recognises a coming bowel movement, but doing something about it is difficult and may come later. The cry of “I’m going to do it” is usually accompanied by a puddle. Be sympathetic it was the first she knew of it too!
• Before your toddler is ready to pee in a potty on purpose, she’ll know that urine can go in there as well as in a nappy because she’ll often pee while she’s doing a poo. If she is mastering bowel control easily your toddler may spontaneously add urine control as soon as she is physically capable of it.
• A toddler will not be able to physically keep themselves dry until there’s time for action between knowing she’s going to pee and doing it. The first sign of readiness is acquiring the momentary control over coming urine. At this point the child may clutch the muscles around the urethra and anus to stop it, but can’t as there is only momentary control and she moves to the potty, she will urinate. It may be another 3\4 months before your toddler learns to take charge at an earlier stage, by recognising a full bladder and tightening the muscles of the abdomen. When she does that, she can delay the flow for several minutes and walk without losing control. Now she can use the potty is she wants to.
• Even once your child becomes aware that she needs to pee while there is time to get to the potty, being dry can be a long process because she urinates many times a day and while she is absorbed in work\play, can mean a lapse in control and attention and become soaked.
• She may be dry during the day, but can’t wake herself at night and so will have wet nappies at night.

 

• Only when a child has used a potty successfully most of the time, consider moving from nappies to trainer pants. Trainer pants come after the potty is well established but not 100%.
• Avoid using pants until your child uses the potty 100% of the time as a transition from pull-ups to pants.
• It is also good at this stage to introduce the toilet as an option of the child as well as the potty; particularly if it is a little boy and he want to pee like daddy or other bigger boys.
• If your child uses the toilet allow them to flush the toilet themselves.
• Once your child is more or less reliable during the daytime, abandon pull-ups as part of her day clothes and make them only part of her nightclothes.
• Above all else, relax with your child; learn from your child – so that when they go to school fully functional – you will wonder what all the fuss was about.

Please feel free to discuss issues of toilet mastery with us at any time.